(38) Living, Loving, Dying, and Living Again with Alysha St. Germain

AlyshaStGermainWeddingPhotoShared from Alysha…

“Today I am just a typical stay at home mom of three, blogger, writer, and wanna be inspirer. About a year ago I relocated from the west to the east coast. It’s been a huge transition but it just feels right.

I suppose I should start with what brought me to the East a Coast… it was love, but not just any love… it was surprising, life changing, take your breath away kind of love and it was completely unexpected.”

Listen to Alysha’s life changing stories here:

“In March of 2013 I lost my husband to colon cancer. He fought hard for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality it was only 15 months. Although he suffered and I would never have wished for him to have suffered any longer, now it doesn’t seem like long enough. 15 months can fly by in a flash, especially when you’re living in hot pursuit of test results and news of Cancer progression all the while attempting to maintain somewhat of a normal life while raising two young children. It was a tough balance. My Pete had a particularly rough time expressing his emotions through the whole thing. I mean, who wouldn’t have a difficult time when confronted with your own mortality in such a startling way ?!?! Caught up in our own angst we became divisive and as a couple, we didn’t possess the tools to confront what was happening. It wasn’t until weeks before he passed that he dropped his walls and allowed me in. We knew time was scarce and regretted allowing so much come between us during his battle with cancer. We allowed our anger towards an inanimate object, Cancer, to disguise themselves as anger towards one another. But, in his final moments of life I was drawn to a new found level of vulnerability. It felt so good to be completely honest with one another. It was a feeling I had craved all along, yet simultaneously feared.

When he passed away, I felt lost and bereft. I became a young widow who was solely responsible for the well-being of our two children. There were days I was paralyzed in the fear I was going to screw it all up, and fail to make Pete proud of me.

While he was sick we had discussed the thought of me finding love again. He had said that he didn’t like the thought of it but respected that it was something that would eventually happen.

Pete and I shared a connection that was special, intense, and unique. We understood each other. He was my best friend and I respected him in a deep way. He showed me what it meant to love and respect myself, because in his eyes, I was a princess. He was my everything.

But, something interesting happened for me when he passed. I craved connection, which isn’t unlike most widows, but I developed a peace in the unknown. I just knew I would love again. I didn’t know when or how, but I knew. Unlike most, I didn’t believe I would need to be “done” grieving in order to love again. After all, Pete loved me in a way that proved real, selfless love existed, and I knew I wanted that again.”

Alysha’s Life Changing Lessons

“Sooner than most, I met my chapter two. It was completely random, but we connected instantaneously. He had also experienced the loss of his wife, therefore he understood that grieving is a lifelong process. Although his loss was sudden, I felt he understood me.

Only 7 months passed from the time we met to the time we were married, and we faced scrutiny for it, but it didn’t matter — because we knew. We both knew how fleeting life can be and we didn’t want to spend any time apart. We craved authenticity and vulnerability with one another on a whole new level. We didn’t want anything to be left unsaid. It was both terrifying and refreshing to find someone so genuine and accepting at a time when I was continuing to grieve the loss of my husband and father to my children. Together we have processed our losses and striven to create a better future for ourselves and our children. We have also added a new addition to our family in the form of our precious son Ethan. My Dave and his late wife did not have children, yet he has managed to ease into the role of surrogate father selflessly and graciously. The new addition has only served to provide more healing for our grieving souls.”

Pearls of Wisdom

“It’s okay to be fearful of loving again, but the idea of cheating on your late spouse isn’t realistic. Relationships are different. There is no comparison of love — only personality traits and connection.

Someone who genuinely loves you will not require you to be finished grieving and will understand it is a process that never ends. They will understand that love does not end where new love begins and they will make concessions for your past whenever possible.

If and when the time is right for you to love again, it won’t be without fear or anxiety, but if it is right, the beauty and wonderment of new love will overshadow those fears and only bring peace to your grieving soul.

When new love begins, you will not close off the memories of your loved one, but you will bring them with you into the next chapter of your life as you find out how your past and present mingle.”

References Mentioned By and Ways to Connect With Alysha

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Challenge and struggle is all but a blessing in disguise. 
Posted: March 10, 2015 By: Comment: 3

Comment

  1. Reid, thanks for sharing this!

    1. Reid

      The pleasure was all mine, Dave. Seriously!

  2. What an amazing story of love and strength. I am such a believer in things happening as they should, through heartache, anger, despair, love, light, gratitue…it’s all the lesson, all the journey. Lovely, bittersweet and I’m so glad it was shared.